So it gone to this

Your gaze.
Cold as ice.
Makes me shudder in pain.

There wasn't a hint of warmness in them.
Like all the years of brotherly affection had slipped out of your cerulean orbs silently.
And what replaced them are merely frost blue distrust and disgust.

But I couldn't say that out loud could I?
I couldn't just express all this forbidden emotions and feelings I'm developing for you, for they are like a taboo to the morals, like thunderstorm striking the damp ground.

I fear for us, my love.

And yet here we are, wielding to our weapons as though we are enemies, yelling threats like they meant of how they should.
Seeking for more needles to pierce it onto each others hearts, thrusting out poison down the others throat, ferociously fighting for those useless victories.
All for those unsaid apologies.
And all for those petty vengeance and misery.

So as our colors clash onto each other like earth and thunder, like a battle of a devious panther and a courageous lion. The sides that we stood defending the so-called justice, but we knew it was just an aesthetic way of claiming our pride.

 I have not thought that my eyes begun to water.
Those foul little tears starting to threaten their fall, trying to remind me of how pitiful I am for being infatuated for whats not mine.

How pitiful of me to insert my heart, to insert my soul.
In you.

As my eyes were just a blurry sight, I couldn't really stand as though I had any longer.
Your hands grasped onto my shoulder, it's strength attempting to break it in one blow.

I wasn't sure if it was just an illusion I witnessed.

Your cries echoing in the air.
Yet my mind refuses to interpret them.
But, my eyes have not failed me. Entirely.

I think.

I just saw your tears.

I see there's no need for me to kiss you

My lips.
Your words.

My heart.
Your needles.

My wound.
Your scratches.

My blood.
Your taste.

My tears.
Your laughter.

My rage.
Your amusement.

My insanity.
Your pleasure.

I see there's no need for me to kiss you.
At all.

But do allow me to press my chapped lips onto yours.
Please allow me to have a taste of your cold, plush ones.
Let them merely pressed against the other.
Let the sparks be made, let the fire ignite.
There isn't any need to proceed into the oral transfer of saliva or any other of our words, sentences, or emotions.

And until it ends as it pitifully starts.
Please don't scream.
Because I do believe, that the blade impaled through your so-called heart doesn't hurt as much as it hurts mine.
And allow me to demonstrate it.
Several times.

As you said.
It was never a kiss.

Just a pity.

FREAK

A freak.
That's what I am.
There's no further understanding should be made on the hows and whys.
I just merely am.
It seems that there are simply nothing, nothing at all that could make me into something or someone better, into another level. Whether what kind of achievement would it be in, I couldn't care less.
But somehow, the sore pain that strikes as I read those words written by human itself, or spoken. Hurts like a needle piercing through my red thumping organ named heart.
Biologically, I own one.
Metaphorically, I do not.

And how I wish I do not.

The never ending dullness that seems to haunts me wherever I am tires me.
Like splitting my soul into two. Making it cry and laugh at the same time.
Out of despair, out of disbelief, and perhaps a tint of sadness.

Maybe... Just maybe.
One day, I could just throw myself over something, impaling my middle body over it.

Maybe then, those pain wouldn't hurt that much anymore.

I do hope my arrogance would be coming to an end. To see that it always stirs such nonsense out of the both of us makes me feel so old.
Perhaps I should just accept the fact that I would forever be considered in between.

Never the best. Never the worst.

Just like I've always been.